I'm Lost :(

Ever wonder how to go back to your original life and continue? I don't. I'm lost. And he knows that. He tries to help but I never gave him a chance. Want to know why? Why should I? There are 2 annoying, irritating, heart-breaking choices. And I've to make a choice. Yet, when you're not there, I miss you. When you're there, I can't forget him? What shit is this? And I'm in deep trouble cause of this. I blame myself for this. I was the one who made this happen. I was the one responsible for him. I don't deserve either one of you. I deserve a scolding, I deserve a slap and definitely I deserve a punishment. I don't need you. I can't have you. But why? Why do you have to stay with me? Be with me? I don't want. Cause I don't deserve you. Do you ever get it? Sometimes, I got to leave the past behind. But which is the past and which is the future? How would I know? Sometimes I deserve no one. You never give up. You strive and listen to yourself. You never hurt me. You loved me. But what about me? How many freaking times I've broken your tiny heart yet you stayed by me. You told me it's okay. You understand. You made me believe in myself when I don't. You gave me the top 10 reasons why you loved me when other guys can't. You gave me confidence when I'm so down till I break down to tears. You... Everything is YOU. Why? Why you when I don't deserve you?! You took care of me. Cared for me. And all I ever did was let you down, break you down and leave you in tears. You never did that to me. All those painful sharing.... All those cherishable moments.. You deserve better, my dear. Not me. Never will be me. Cause I don't want you to make the same mistake and regrets. What your friends said is true. It's puppy love, dear. Not true love. But you never listen huh? That's why you're so stubborn... Haiz.. Just thanks for always being there for me. I really appreciate you.

:)