Perfectly Innocent

Hey peeps. This will be a short post. I changed my wall and stuff. My old wall was so dead and blacky. Wanted something brighter. And did it without my dear's help. wee! And, i'm having EVO-NITE tmr. Gonna be busy busy busy. I'm already BUSY. So much on my hands and trying to shake them off one by one. PMR trials is in 24 days?? DENG. I'm so not ready. Scared like hell. But oh-wells, it's reality babe. Things has been going on smoothly between me and khai. Nothing rough happened. YET. Time will come. Where we will argue. :)
Had fun teasing and scaring khai. Timid timid. TSK.tSK.
Will update another time..

I love you.

Seeing Us Smile

Concert is tomorrow and on Saturday. I'll be going to Mid-Valley with Ash to kill time before going back to school for ushering. We had a whole day of practice today. And it was so boring for the non-participants. We got to do duty. And stand for 1 hour 40 minutes cause the students are using the classrooms. It ws like the worst day ever.

I've gotten back with khai after er.. 1 week plus? He has been there through bad and through good. Smooth and through rough. Shit and through poo. Screaming and shouting and hurtful words from me, yet he's still standing still as a rock and sticking to his rights. It touches my heart with his perseverance. Cause I'll not be able to do what he does. Defending himself. Telling me that I'm doing the wrong stuff and all. It was pissing but at the end, it was worth it listening to him just once. To him, now everyday passes so slowly whereas I feel time passes so quickly. Urgh.

PMR. Is NEARING. Like what? 78 days i think... Scary. Stressful. Annoying. I just want it to end then I can parteeee.... Not really. Have to go back Penang and stuff again. Haiz. PMR, GET OUT OF MY LIFE.... XD

Life is so short. There was this once incident that happened to my friend, Ruth. She argued with her bf for 2 months, gotten back as lovely as ever and just yesterday, they argued once again. She ended the call without telling "I LOVE YOU", without emotion and the next thing she know, he never calls back. He promised to call at 9.30 p.m but no call came in. She didn't bother until a call came in at 11.30 p.m. It was her bf. He told her he had fainted and he has low blood pressure. It was fatal as it may cause death. She never ever want to end a call that way again incase if he had really gone to paradise, how can she ever forgive herself?

Next incident, this girl and my friend was dating for 7 years. From childhood friend blooms to constant strong love bond. They were together, jogging as a cute couple. He just walked ONE step ahead of her, only ONE step. A car from behind, knocked her down right in front of his eyes and she just went to coma for 5 months. Just lied there in her bed. All he could do was to pray for her to wake up. Next thing he knew, he woke up. It was a miracle. But on his birthday, she broke the bad news. She has cancer. 3rd stage cancer and she can't live longer. 2 days later, she passed away. She was only 15. Going through such hardship without living a perfect teenage life just broke all our hearts. She has left. He cried. He attended the funeral. He tried to commit suicide. In school. But failed. Students cried. Teachers were worried. He's totally changed into a new person. But he's still moving on.

All this are real life incident that I'm sharing. Think about it. What if your love one just leave in such a terrible way without telling you they love you. Wouldn't it be too late to realize it? Appreciate everything you have in life now. Enjoy it. Stop making yourself hate your life, make your life miserable when you can make your life wonderful. Excellent. I've lost him from my silly mistakes. Yet I'm thankful he's still here to complete me. Grateful that he hasn't left. If you're reading this post, and you feel that you haven't done what you're suppose to do, do it NOW. Instantly. Do you want to regret or do you want a happy loveable memorable life? I don't want grieve to take over my life. Look at how surprises and deadly experience could change and take someone aback.

I love you, bi.
=)

Thought You Were Different

Hey people;
It's been some times since I updated huh? I didn't even update my re-union with my bi. Only he updates it. Well, I thought that "he" was different from all the guys I know. And he's a dickhead according to Ashley. And a heavy flirter according to Ruth. And a piece of shit according to me. He never does things right. Everything to him is up to his decision, not caring for other people's feeling. To him, as long as he is happy, the whole world dies also he doesn't know. That is "he". Glad I've moved on, get back my life and he's running along fine. And I'm doing the same. Both of us don't really care whether bot presence are there or not. Everything has gone and blown away. New life and a new headstart.

I love Ash, Jer, and Ruth! They make my day wonderful. Especially during concert practice. Since concert is nearing, we will be in classes studying. So good luck guys. They are like my besties! So much in common; Ruth's fav line. Go fly kite; Ash's fav quote. How to do; Jer's fav line. Shuddup; my fav line. All of us have so much fun laughing together. We never get things done and we'll be talking about our private stuff for the whole day! What friends I have. And Ashley wanted to get mad at me, but oh wells, no one can stay mad at me for long. I took all her things away and she just smiled all the way.

I love you, bi. :D
Missing you lots.

Ever Heard of Regrets???

Ever heard of regret for not thinking then saying stuff out that could change someone's perspective? Something happened last night, I thought I could give myself a 2nd chance to make up for my wrong doings, but that single reply from him burnt a hole in me. I've been crying for the past few days. My mood has always been black. Easily hot-tempered. And I sulk a lot. My happiness, bubbliness, joyfulness has gone. I thought HE was the one but I seem to know it now that he's not the one. He may fit the discription fully but deep down, he knows I'm not the one eventhough both of us say so. This is the first time I receive a bullet shot through my heart. And he made the decision for me. Stay with him. And I'm your brother. That is all I needed to see. And he made it and I respect it. I've stop loving him from that moment which is 20.37 p.m (Saturday, 10 July 2010). Officially done and over. Eventhough he wants me back as he regretted as he didn't know the truth that I've been hiding, I don't wanna make any more chances and ruining it in my own hands. Imma bitch anyway. He deserve better.

Kelvin, my long lost annoyingly brother. He gives me laughs. He is having a very very good life. Always "ejeking" his maid: his job. He's having a very good love life since he really loves his gf. Except she's super pure. Haha. And he can't wait to go out with her. Sad sod. He's happy and I'm happy that at least this girl ain't gonna break his heart. Which..... has no more feelings. XD.

Heard that most of my long lost friends has a happy life. All those crap they talk about. Really funny. Bring joy back for that milisecond then I've gone emo again. When will I ever sodding realize that I've made a terrible mistake leaving him? Stop loving him? I don't know. I miss him.. Soddingly miss him... Tears has fallen inconsistently and I wanna stop it. How am i suppose to give you the last chance when you, threw it away yourself? You do kno' you love me and I do too. But since.... you suggested.... I won't. I'm just gonna hurt you again, and that would be my fault again. Which I don't want it to happen. So goodbye...

My brother.. :)

Sodding Piece of Shite

Life is a screw up, kno' that? Piece of Shite. I don't know what's sodding wrong about teacher's in school. Didn't check project, return it and ask us to re-do it. What's her wee problem i got no idea. Sometimes she's just a bitch. Everyone hates her. Picking on students is already hell and want us to extra 3 times the load of shite. In her hell dreams! Didn't even touch our folder and expect us to re-do in your favour? Maybe in your GRAVE i will. Goose!!!!! I seriously hate this sodding life of mine. Prefect's is also another screw up. Have you even see us do DUTY?? NEVER IN HELL. NEVER IN YOUR EYES! Only see our bloody mistakes. Ever gave us credit? No. Ever tell us GOOD JOB? NEVER. Ever scold us even we DO perfectly WELL? SODDINGLY HELL YEAH. What is the prob among you teachers. Wanna sack us? Go ahead. I don't care infact I will be happy! All you people only kno' what to do is to humilliate us and ask us to do workload that has been done again again & again. Lifeless bunch of people. We are tired of listening ya kno'? We listen we do but it's never enough for you guys. WE ARE TIRED. I am... Everyone is.... So much to do and stress is adding. PMR is nearing... I dont kno'... screw up life..

Without Thoughts

I'm just passing through every day without thoughts. Letting second by second, lead to hours and a day passed without knowing what am I going to do next. Just following the way without making my own path. I know that either a day or a time I got to face the reality but I can't. I know either way something bad is going to happen. And it just not nice.

Today we had PTC for Form 2s so I did class duty. 2 guys broke a window under my sight. And I thought I was in deep trouble but I was ok.. Board didn't take charges but warned the students instead. What else?? I had fun ushering and during class duty as we gossiped and shared secrets with students. It was fun and it was a good time sharing some private time with the students. I thank them for making my prefect's life so wonderful.

Havn't talk to Ash lately since different duty points. And I just wished something, a miracle at least, will happen. That would be great. Or something that would just clear my thoughts. I'm just so troubled by this. I really want this to end as quickly as possible...

:(

I'm Lost :(

Ever wonder how to go back to your original life and continue? I don't. I'm lost. And he knows that. He tries to help but I never gave him a chance. Want to know why? Why should I? There are 2 annoying, irritating, heart-breaking choices. And I've to make a choice. Yet, when you're not there, I miss you. When you're there, I can't forget him? What shit is this? And I'm in deep trouble cause of this. I blame myself for this. I was the one who made this happen. I was the one responsible for him. I don't deserve either one of you. I deserve a scolding, I deserve a slap and definitely I deserve a punishment. I don't need you. I can't have you. But why? Why do you have to stay with me? Be with me? I don't want. Cause I don't deserve you. Do you ever get it? Sometimes, I got to leave the past behind. But which is the past and which is the future? How would I know? Sometimes I deserve no one. You never give up. You strive and listen to yourself. You never hurt me. You loved me. But what about me? How many freaking times I've broken your tiny heart yet you stayed by me. You told me it's okay. You understand. You made me believe in myself when I don't. You gave me the top 10 reasons why you loved me when other guys can't. You gave me confidence when I'm so down till I break down to tears. You... Everything is YOU. Why? Why you when I don't deserve you?! You took care of me. Cared for me. And all I ever did was let you down, break you down and leave you in tears. You never did that to me. All those painful sharing.... All those cherishable moments.. You deserve better, my dear. Not me. Never will be me. Cause I don't want you to make the same mistake and regrets. What your friends said is true. It's puppy love, dear. Not true love. But you never listen huh? That's why you're so stubborn... Haiz.. Just thanks for always being there for me. I really appreciate you.

:)

Blueprint for Living

Hey people, Its Saturday. XD
I want to share something for you, readers, something.

<>

< I will instruct you and teach you;
in the way you should go;
I will guide you with My eye. > Psalms 12:8

So how is everyody's life? I went for Prefetcs Gathering today in St.John's and it was awesome. Many hot guys. But oh wells. The Malays there look like Chinese. Good looking, cute and buff. But most of all, my group.. RED, got FIRST! Thanks to hot guy shukri, with his good leadership skills and most ever guidance and tips, we win every single game in short time. It was awesome and fun. Met a lot of new people and they were all hyper. Except some of them. I had a great time.

Training was fine. Except was tired and extremely full due to late lunch. But other than that, today is a good day. And I have been away from home until 6.00 p.m. Going to bed early.. :)